Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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