Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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