I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
