so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
