Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
