thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
