As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
