And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
