Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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