Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
