So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
