My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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