Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
