i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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