we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
