No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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