Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
this is an emotional support booty call
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
