why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
