Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Vodka?
Forever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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