Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
