I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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