Just cropdusted the office
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
