There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
