i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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