Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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