tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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