So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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