I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
