i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
