These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
