what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
