I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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