Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
