she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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