Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
