just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
