i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
