did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
