Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
