So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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