Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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