Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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