last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
