I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
