ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
