Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize