he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
