I'm jealous of your bromance
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
