Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
