3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
