I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My pussy is not your playground.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
