the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
