It's Friday. Sex?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
