Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
