My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
