what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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