he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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