we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
