I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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