i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
