Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
