how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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