I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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