Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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