Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
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pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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