dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
