In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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