You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize