I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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