cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
