just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
