UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
